yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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