I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
