Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
