Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
