I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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