Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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