So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
