I am in a vortex of obligation.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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