it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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