On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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