I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
