Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
