Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
