i may or may not be watching the land before time
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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