I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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