her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
