i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
