Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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