Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
