There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
