so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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