After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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