you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
