I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
