my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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