just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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