Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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