he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No subtext here. People are naked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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