the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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