i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
