Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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