I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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