Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
this is an emotional support booty call
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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