Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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