Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
