I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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