I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
