he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
