oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
