not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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