Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
