I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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