Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
