Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
