Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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