so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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