so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
