I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
