I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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