I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
