you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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