You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
