I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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