Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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