I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
