there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
