I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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