you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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